[TV Recap] WWE Raw – 8/27/12

Announced Matches:

  • N/A

Also on the Docket: Triple H addresses his in-ring future after getting his arm broken again at Summerslam, Daniel Bryan attends anger management classes, and the build to CM Punk/John Cena continues.

All this and more on the August 27th edition of Raw.

Recap Video: The end of show segment from last week’s Raw. John Cena won’t call CM Punk the “best in the world”. Punk invites Jerry Lawler in the ring to apologize for his comments from a few weeks ago. Lawler apologizes but doesn’t say Punk is the “best in the world”. He brushes past Punk’s shoulder and gets a kick to the back of the head for his troubles.

WWE Raw intro video.

The pyro goes off and we scan the audience as Michael Cole welcomes the home audience. We are live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. We are at the announce table and Cole goes to read a Lawler tweet from last week, which prompts Lawler to leave the booth and head into the ring. Lawler grabs a mic and says there’s something he needs to get off of his chest. Lawler admits that he misspoke in saying CM Punk “turned his back on the WWE Universe” back at Raw 1000. He then recaps what we just saw in the opening video package. Lawler says he apologized to Punk last week, and wants an apology from Punk this week.

“Cult of Personality” plays, bringing out WWE Champion CM Punk (somebody got a hair cut!). He has an incredulous look on his face as he heads into the ring, mic in hand. Punk gets in Lawler’s face. He can’t believe Lawler wants an apology from him for “doing his job”. He reminds us again of Lawler’s comment from Raw 1000. Punk says it was Lawler who turned his back on the WWE Universe for slandering their “beloved WWE Champion”. Punk says he kicked him in the head for brushing against him disrespectfully. Punk mocks Lawler for “beating nobodies in Memphis” and acting like a juvenile in the WWE, and is sorry that that is all it takes to be in the WWE Hall of Fame. Punk also says he’s sorry that Lawler couldn’t beat Michael Cole at Wrestlemania. Punk is most sorry about the man Lawler has become.

Lawler looks mad, and Punk asks if he wants to fight him. The crowd wants to see it. Punk says Lawler is just a commentator and he’s WWE Champion and he would embarrass him in the ring. Lawler says he came out for an apology, not a fight. Punk says he’s not asking for a fight, but Lawler’s body language says otherwise. Punk continues goading Lawler, and says he’ll fight him. Punk says that tonight, Lawler will either leave embarrassed because he got his butt kicked or because he refused to fight him. Punk says the decision is Lawler’s, then drops the mic and starts walking to the back, yelling “RESPECT!” at the crowd in case we didn’t get it. Lawler finally replies with a limp “I’ll think about it” before heading back to the announce table.

  • Thoughts: Well it looks like Punk is actually a full-blown heel now. Good opening segment, despite some line flubs from Punk and the limp “I’ll think about it” end. It sold me on wanting to see Punk/Lawler square off even though they played it off like Lawler hasn’t fought a WWE Champion in the past few years.

*Commercial Break*

Jack Swagger is already in the ring for the first match. Cole hypes the fact that Swagger has been on a long losing streak this year.

Match #1: Ryback Vs. Jack Swagger

They lock up and Swagger gets a few knees in the midsection. Ryback easily fights back and hits a boot to the face. Ryback smashes Swagger on the canvas. Ryback then drops Swagger back to the mat face-first. Ryback runs in, but Swagger drop toeholds him and starts fighting back himself. He bodyslams Ryback and goes for the Swagger Bomb. Ryback gets his feet up and Swagger tries to get an Ankle Lock but Ryback pushes out. Ryback quickly regains the advantage and bodydrops Swagger on his head (ouch).

Ryback gets the crowd to chant “Feed Me More!” and takes Swagger out with a running clothesline. Ryback picks him up and hits the marching samoan drop for the 1…2…3!

Winner [via Pinfall]: Ryback (2:11)

  • Another day, another Ryback squash; seriously where is his character going? Swagger did manage to get some good offense in though and it was nice to see him fight back for once (although he did beat Ryback down a few weeks back, a fact no one wanted to bring up I guess). I hope this hyping of Swagger’s losing streak seriously leads to something; he deserves better. I’ll be saying that until it happens. (C)

Back at the announce table, Cole and Lawler hype up Triple H‘s appearance later tonight on Raw.

Raw Hype: John Cena will take on IC Champion The Miz. Cole then tries to get Lawler to accept Punk’s challenge but he’s still thinking about it.

*Commercial Break*

Natalya is already in the ring as we come back from commercial. Divas Champion Layla makes her way to the ring as we see a recap from the battle royal last week where Kaitlyn became the next #1 contender (shouldn’t she be fighting the champ next, then?). Before the match can start, Vickie Guerrero interrupts and says she has an important announcement to make so the divas should hurry up and get their match over with.

Match #2: [WWE Divas Champion] Layla Vs. Natalya

Layla gets an early waistlock but Natalya powers out and stomps her for a 2-count. Layla gets an armdrag and a wristlock, and rolls her up for a 2-count. Layla hits a crossbody from the second rope for another 2-count. Natalya clutches the top rope to prevent a whip but Layla grabs her legs and pulls her off. Layla then dances for no reason and hits her again. Natalya rolls to the outside and says “that wasn’t funny!”. Layla goes for a baseball slide, but Natalya uses the ring curtain to catch her.

They roll back in and Natalya tries the Sharpshooter but Layla fights out. Natalya goes for a suplex, but Layla rolls her up for a 2-count. Layla kicks her in the back of the head for the 1…2…3!

Winner [via Pinfall]: Layla (2:46)

  • A below average match made worse by having Guerrero and the commentators bring attention to the fact they were apparently “wasting time”. Way to devalue your own Divas division, guys. Cruel. (C-)

Layla celebrates as Guerrero gets in the ring. She tells Layla she’s done and shoos her from the ring. Guerrero recaps the Chris Jericho/Dolph Ziggler match stipulations from last week and says that these rules were an abuse of power by the GM AJ Lee. Guerrero says no one has the guts to speak up against Lee except her. She begs the Board of Directors to put an “adult” back in the GM spot.

After an awkward pause, out skips Lee to the ring. Lee takes Guerrero’s mic, then slaps Guerrero and the two start fighting. Guerrero crawls out of the ring and runs to the back clutching her cheek while Lee looks on and smiles. She composes herself as her song starts playing again.

  • Thoughts: Okay that was kind of awesome.

We see a recap of Triple H‘s time as a member of Degeneration X because he’s fake retiring or whatever.

Raw Hype: Triple H to address the WWE Universe tonight.

*Commercial Break*

Daniel Bryan Goes to Anger Management, Part 1

A man named Dr. Shelby talks about the class and is interrupted by Daniel Bryan, who says he’s not angry. A kid with a goat mask walks in, which sets Bryan off. Bryan asks if Dr. Shelby set this up. He yells at the kid to take his goat mask off and Dr. Shelby says that it’s his kid who is the goat in a school play. Bryan sits down and tells Harold not to touch him.

  • Thoughts: Oof not a good start.

At the Announce Table: Dominic Monaghan is tweeting the show tonight as Social Media Ambassador. Cole then shows a tweet from CM Punk who says he’ll let Lawler have the first punch if he faces him tonight. Cole asks him if he’ll face Punk. Lawler takes his headset off and stands on top of the announce table with a mic. Lawler says the “nobodies” he beat in Memphis include Jesse Ventura, Harley Race, and a whole lot more. Lawler says he doesn’t know how long Punk would have lasted there.

Lawler says Punk said a lot of true things about him and defends Andy Kaufman. Lawler brings up his HOF membership and says you don’t get there without guts. Lawler says he knows that he himself isn’t the “best in the world” but neither is Punk. Lawler says he has never backed down from a challenge in his life and will fight Punk tonight. He steps down from the table and starts walking to the back to get ready.

  • Thoughts: Shock! Awe! Didn’t need the suspense but I’ll admit that Lawler brought the thunder with that promo, regardless. Nice to see him be serious for a change.

*Commercial Break*

“My Time is Now” plays bringing out John Cena for the next match. The Miz comes out second because hell yes.

Match #3: John Cena Vs. [WWE Intercontinental Champion] The Miz

They lock up, and Miz takes Cena down with a side headlock. They get to their feet and Cena whips him into the ropes. Cena gets a headlock takedown of his own. Miz whips him into the ropes and attempts a hip toss but Cena blocks it and gets another headlock takedown as we go to commercial.

*Commercial Break*

Josh Matthews has joined Cole at ringside as we come back. Cena whips Miz into the corner and hits a bulldog for a 2-count. Cena goes for a back bodydrop but gets a kick to the face followed by a running kick. Miz goes for the pin. 2-count. Cena gets himself up in the corner and Miz hits him with a running clothesline. Miz goes to the top rope and hits a flying axehandle for a 2-count. Miz applies a front facelock to wear Cena down/stall for time.

Cena gets to his feet and powers out of the front facelock, but Miz knees him in the side. Cena blocks a suplex but connects with one of his own. Miz quickly hits a backbreaker/neckbreaker combo for a 2-count. Cena sits up and gets a running boot to the face. Miz goes for the pin. 2-count. Miz hits another running boot to the face and goes for another pin. Another 2-count. Miz is a bit on the frustrated side. Miz angrily goes for another, but Cena grabs his legs and locks on the STF. Miz gets to the ropes to break the hold.

They get up and Miz kicks him in the stomach. He follows it up with a DDT for a close 2-count. Miz attempts the Skull Crushing Finale but Cena tries to counter with an Attitude Adjustment. Miz instead connects with a sitting Rock Bottom (?!?) for the 1…2…KICK OUT. Cena moves out of the way from an attempted corner clothesline, and does the whole Five Knuckle Shuffle combo. Cena follows it up with the Attitude Adjustment for the 1…2…3!

Winner [via Pinfall]: John Cena (10:35)

  • A by the numbers Cena/Miz match. Nothing really exciting to report. But it’s definitely the best match of the night thus far, if that counts for anything. Lord knows we need something positive to latch onto right now. (C+)

RAWactive Alert: We get to choose what kind of match Punk/Lawler are going to have tonight. The choices: Tables Match, Steel Cage match, or No Disqualification Match. Cole doesn’t like Lawler’s chances due to these potential stipulations.

Another Triple H flashback video plays of all of his accomplishments.

  • Thought: Gag me with a f*cking spoon.

Raw Hype: Triple H addresses the WWE Universe tonight. In case you didn’t hear about that earlier.

*Commercial Break*

Raw Hype: Sheamus/Randy Orton will face Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio.

Daniel Bryan Goes to Anger Management, Part 2

“Harold” is complaining about how his boss takes credit for all of his work. Dr. Shelby asks the class if anyone has any thoughts about his sharing, and then asks Daniel Bryan specifically. Bryan says his boss is his former girlfriend/former fiancee who left him at the altar and forced him to fight her “boytoy” Kane. He says it can’t get any worse, but then Dr. Shelby introduces Kane as their last member of the group today. The others are scared while Bryan is annoyed and tells Harold this is what he has to deal with every day.

Heath Slater makes his way to the ring. We see a TOUT from him bragging about beating Sin Cara on Smackdown and says his winning streak will continue tonight. His opponent tonight? Santino Marella.

Match #4: Santino Marella Vs. Heath Slater

Marella tries to take Slater down and Slater mocks him. But he finally succeeds and spins around Slater a bunch before celebrating about it. Slater shows off his air guitar skills. Marella tries to do his version, but Slater knocks him to the mat. Slater continues the offense and goes for the pin. 2-count. Slater continues hammering on Marella and plays to the crowd. Slater chokes Marella on the second rope. A “Boring!” chant breaks out.

Slater slingshots Marella neck-first into the bottom rope and goes for the pin. 2-count. Slater tries to jump off the second rope, but Marella keeps rolling away. Slater walks over and Marella rolls him up for a 2-count. Marella mounts his comeback and then pulls out the Cobra. The music of Aksana hits, bringing her to the entrance stage. The Cobra gets distracted, but not distracted enough to hit Slater and allow Marella to get the 1…2…3.

Winner [via Pinfall]: Santino Marella (3:13)

  • What the hell was that? Fun antics aside, this match was the drizzling sh*ts. Wow. And that whole “the Cobra has a mind of its own” thing…seriously? None of this made sense and the fact Slater took the fall was even dumber. Isn’t the Cobra’s “infatuation” with Aksana supposed to mess things up? Sigh. (D)

More Triple H hype.

*Commercial Break*

At the Announce Table: Cole and Matthews pimp the WWE app for iPhone/iPad/Android/etc. Reminder of the RAWactive stipulations you can vote for tonight for the Punk/Lawler match.

Out comes Brodus Clay, complete with the usual dancing entrance. Cole brings up the fact that Clay attacked Damien Sandow after losing to him last week on Raw. Matthews then brings everyone up to speed on the Clay/Sandow feud. Next out is Sin Cara. I guess they’re teaming together.

Damien Sandow comes out for the heel team and introduces Cody Rhodes as his tag team partner for this evening, a man he can have an “intelligent conversation” with. Rhodes also has a mic and thanks Sandow as they walk down the aisle. Rhodes mocks the crowd for being fat like Brodus and ugly like Sin Cara. This match is next!

*Commercial Break*

Match #5: Sin Cara/Brodus Clay Vs. Damien Sandow/Cody Rhodes

We join the match in progress, as Cara tries to fight out of a rest hold applied by Rhodes. Rhodes hits a running knee on a sitting Cara for a 2-count. Sandow tags in and hits a russian legsweep. He hits his elegant elbowdrop and gets a 2-count. Sandow stomps on Cara’s sternum and tags Rhodes back in. Rhodes punches Cara in the face and tries to take the mask off, but Cara pushes him into the ropes and hits a standing hurricanrana.

Clay makes the hot tag, and he clothesline Rhodes. He follows it up with a splash in the corner and a running powerslam for the 1…2…Sandow breaks the count. Sandow tries to attack Cara on the apron, who pulls down the top rope. Sandow spills to the outside and Cara hits a flying crossbody from the top rope. Clay headbutts Rhodes and hits the Big Splash for the 1…2…3!

Winners [via Pinfall]: Brodus Clay/Sin Cara (Time Not Recorded)

Everyone, including Cara, dances in the ring along with some kids.

Daniel Bryan Goes to Anger Management, Part 3

Dr. Shelby asks Kane to remove his entrance mask, and he does. Kane tells the group that he’s the “devil’s favorite demon”. Dr. Shelby asks Kane to share his story. Bryan says this is a bad idea. Kane goes through his whole backstory, including burying his brother alive twice, abducting coworkers, and other such stuff. He references Katie Vick and his torturing of MLB Hall of Famer Pete Rose.

  • Thoughts: AMAZING. AMAAAAAAAAAZING. That was a worthwhile payoff.

Dr. Shelby tells everyone to make an anger collage for next week, and the class leaves while Bryan protests this. Harold stays behind and thanks Kane for sharing. Kane grabs him by the throat when he tries to hug him and says “you’re welcome”.

Daniel Bryan is heading to the ring for the next match.

*Commercial Break*

Night of Champions hype. Presented by the movie Dredd.

Triple H is a Shiny Golden God Video #3 plays. This one highlights all the titles he’s won. Is it 2003 all over again? Jesus.

Raw Hype: Triple H addressing his career, yadda yadda.

R-Truth comes out with Kofi Kingston for the next match. Daniel Bryan comes out next and tries to surpress his anger as the crowd chants “Yes!” at him. Kingston joins Cole and Matthews at ringside.

Match #6: R-Truth (w/ Kofi Kingston) Vs. Daniel Bryan

R-Truth offers a fist bump to Bryan, and Bryan actually bumps back. They lock up and R-Truth gets a hammerlock. Bryan reverses it and wrestles him to the ground. Bryan continues to try to ignore the chants and stay calm. Apparently “Little Jimmy” is in the ring and Bryan fist bumps him. Bryan then attacks R-Truth and kicks him in the corner repeatedly. Bryan whips him into the corner but catches a boot to the face. R-Truth explodes with a clothesline and dropkick combo. R-Truth then does a little dance before hitting him with a flying forearm for a 2-count.

Bryan reverses an Irish whip but gets backdropped to the floor. R-Truth follows and connects with a strike to the face. R-Truth grabs the mic and starts talking to Little Jimmy. He then chants “Yes!” on the mic repeatedly. Bryan loses it and R-Truth throws him the mic. He starts yelling “No!” and duels with a fan at ringside as the ref counts him out.

Winner [via Countout]: R-Truth (3:04)

  • Bryan was great as usual, and I like the “anger management” wrinkle to his character. The ending was also pretty good and inventive, although R-Truth pulled a bit of a heel move. Bryan is trying to fix himself and R-Truth takes advantage and essentially helps the crowd bully him into losing his marbles. Nice. What a good guy. (C)

Bryan loses his sh*t ringside and flips over the ring steps. He runs into the ring and repeatedly yells “No!” while pacing and spinning around.

Summerslam Recap: The Triple H/Brock Lesnar slideshow.

*Commercial Break*

Another reminder of the RAWactive thing going on right now for the Punk/Lawler match.

Triple H Addresses the WWE Universe

Justin Roberts introduces Triple H to the ring by listing all of his monikers. His Motorhead theme plays and out he comes in a suit and tie. He’s wearing a cast on the arm Brock Lesnar broke at Summerslam because wrestling is real. Cole and Matthews are standing to show respect/not get fired after the show.

Triple H surveys the crowd as they cheer him on. There are a few boos; they aren’t getting a refund after they get kicked out. Triple H talks about accomplishing his goals in wrestling and such. He says that “everybody comes to a crossroad” then pauses and chokes up. Triple H says time is the one thing no one can fight, because time will win. Triple H says he never wanted to be a wrestler that hung on too long. Triple H says Brock Lesnar has made him ask this question: “am I done?”.

Triple H says he doesn’t know if he’s done. He’s beat up, tired, broken (again). Triple H says he wants to come to the ring and say he’s going to kick Lesnar’s ass…but he can’t. And he says that if he can’t come back and say he’ll beat Brock like he used to, then maybe he’s answered his own question. A “You can do it!” chant starts.

Triple H then kisses the fan’s asses, saying that every wrestler does what they do to entertain them. Triple H says the crowd has cared every time he’s walked through that curtain. Triple H thanks the fans from the bottom of his heart, and for letting him “play The Game”. I see what he did there. Triple H says he hopes the fans never forget him, then thanks them and drops the mic. The fans give him a standing ovation (at gunpoint) and a “Triple H” chant weakly starts (also at gunpoint). A “Thank You Hunter” chant gets more traction as he sort of cries in the ring. He does one final yell or whatever, then exits the ring. He stops again on the entrance stage, salutes the crowd, and leaves.

  • Now that was an old school dull Triple H promo. I don’t take away from what he’s accomplished, but this whole “retirement” thing is obviously fake (yes I know it’s all fake but roll with me here) so it’s hard to really get invested in what he had to say. I appreciate the storytelling, I’m just not on board with it emotionally.

*Commercial Break*

The Golden Corral Slam of the Week: Dolph Ziggler beats Chris Jericho and ends Y2J’s latest run in the company.

Dolph Ziggler comes out to the stage first to Chris Jericho‘s music, which then transitions into his own. Ziggler brags about costing Jericho his WWE job and says you will never “eeeeeever” see him in the WWE again (right). He then heads to the ring for the next match. Vickie Guerrero is not at ringside. Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio next. We see clips from last week’s Smackdown where Del Rio made Randy Orton tap clean to become the number one contender again. After that match, Del Rio knoced Sheamus out with his shoe and Ziggler tried to cash it in after, but Orton hit an RKO to stop him.

Orton comes out next, followed by World Champion Sheamus.

Match #7: [World Heavyweight Champion] Sheamus/Randy Orton Vs. Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler

Orton and Ziggler start the match off. Orton gets the early offense, with a clothesline and slingshot suplex. Del Rio runs in to interfere, but Orton sends him to the outside. Sheamus hits Del Rio with a shoulderblock from the apron. Back in the ring, Orton hits Ziggler with a powerslam. The faces stand tall in the ring as we head to commercial.

*Commercial Break*

We are back, and Del Rio is laying into Orton on the outside. He smashes him into the steps then rolls him back in. Ziggler tags in and continues the assault with an elbowdrop. He goes for the pin. 2-count. Ziggler locks on a rear chinlock to kill some time. Orton gets to his feet and elbows his way out. Orton hits a headbutt, then runs the ropes but gets a knee to the midsection for his troubles. Del Rio tags back in and goes for the pin. 1-count.

Del Rio works over Orton’s left arm to soften him up for his finisher. Del Rio hits a headbutt of his own and throws Orton in the corner. Orton moves out of a splash attempt and rolls him up for a 2-count. Del Rio tries another splash in the corner, but Orton backdrops him to the floor. Sheamus gets the hot tag and he lays into the also tagged in Ziggler. He hits a flying kneelift on Ziggler and knocks Del Rio off the apron. Ziggler catches Sheamus with a kick during a backdrop attempt and knocks Orton off the apron but Sheamus quickly recovers and hits a backbreaker for the 1…2…Del Rio breaks the count.

Del Rio distracts the ref, and Ziggler tries to hit Sheamus with the briefcase but Orton catches him off-guard. He hits a move, and then Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick to pin Ziggler for the 1…2…3!

Winners [via Pinfall]: Sheamus/Randy Orton (8:26)

  • A serviceable tag team affair, but much like the rest of tonight, nothing to write home about. Had some okay moments though, I guess. (B-)

Backstage, Jerry Lawler is talking to John Cena and says he needs to beat Punk on his own. Cena wishes him luck.

*Commercial Break*

WWE Rewind: Kane going nuts backstage at Summerslam and attacking Josh Matthews.

Kane makes his way out to the ring as Josh Matthews freaks out ringside. Kane walks over to the announce table and Matthews runs away through the crowd. Kane sits down at the announce table and puts on the headset. Zack Ryder comes out for the next match. Ryder sees Kane ringside and looks a bit nervous. His opponent, David Otunga, hits the ring next.

Match #8: Zack Ryder Vs. David Otunga

Otunga gets the early advantage with some power moves. Ryder tries to mount a comeback but gets an elbow to the face. Otunga works Ryder over in the corner and whips him across the ring. Otunga clotheslines him, then hits a shoulderblock for a 2-count. Otunga applies a chinlock to kill time. Ryder tries to break free, but Otunga turns it into a suplex for another 2-count.

Otunga connects with an uppercut and applies another chinlock, applying pressure to the back with his knee. Ryder gets to his feet, but Otunga hits him with a forearm to the back. Ryder starts mounting a comeback however with a spinning clothesline and other moves but Otunga easily regains the advantage. Ryder ducks a clothesline and hits Otunga with the Ruff Ryder for the 1…2…3!

Winner [via Pinfall]: Zack Ryder (2:26)

  • Ryder wins! Ryder wins! Ryder wins! Outside of that…filler match. (C)

Kane rolls into the ring and grabs Ryder by the throat. He lets go and chokeslams Otunga instead. Progress!

Backstage, CM Punk is kicking backstage equipment to prepare for his match next against Jerry Lawler.

Another RAWactive reminder plays. I’m hoping for Tables; easier to let Lawler get the win.

*Commercial Break*

Cole announces the Smackdown main event this Friday: Randy Orton will face Dolph Ziggler.

RAWactive Results: Josh Matthews is in the ring to announce the results for the upcoming Punk/Lawler match. The match will be a…dun dun dun…CAGE MATCH. Fair enough.

Raw GM AJ Lee skips out to the entrance stage. She says that regardless of the steel cage match outcome, Punk will defend the belt at Night of Champions against an opponent of her choice: John Cena. The guy Punk already chose. Okay. The steel cage descends from the top of the arena.

Jerry Lawler heads to the ring for the main event, which is next!

*Commercial Break*

Josh Matthews recaps the Punk/Cena announcement for Night of Champions.

Main Event: [WWE Champion] CM Punk Vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler in a Steel Cage Match

Punk says the first shot is Lawler’s and tries to goad the King to hit him. Finally he does, and it sends Punk right to the mat. Punk looks surprised (he didn’t watch WWE last year, either). Punk gets some quick kicks to Lawler’s hamstrings and lays some knees into his gut. Punk delivers a neckbreaker and kicks him in the back. The crowd is dead. Punk lays in a series of forearms across Lawler’s chest then sticks him in a front facelock/resthold.

Lawler tries to fight out, but Punk grabs his hair and throws him to the mat. Punk kicks at Lawler, toying with him. He says he’s the new King of Memphis, TN. Punk locks Lawler in another rear chinlock and adds some forearms to the face to sweeten the deal. Lawler’s lip is busted open. Lawler tries to escape again but Punk pulls him to the mat once again. Punk goes to the top rope, but Lawler begs away so instead Punk rams into him in the corner. Punk then connects with a dropkick to Lawler’s face to keep the offense going.

Punk heads to the top rope once again and Lawler crotches him. Lawler tries to escape the cage through the door but Punk drags him back in. He follows it up with a series of elbowdrops. Punk sings the Andy Kaufman “I’m the King” song. Punk tries for another neckbreaker, but Lawler pushes him face-first into the cage.

Lawler starts unloading with a series of right hands and sends Punk face-first into the cage once again. Lawler sloppily clotheslines Punk and repeatedly punches him in the head. Lawler scales to the second rope, pulls the strap down, and connects with the flying fistdrop. He goes for the pin. 1…2…KICK OUT.

Lawler goes to escape through the door again, but Punk catches him and continues the assault with a running knee smash. His head is cut open. Punk hits the Rock Bottom and locks on the Anaconda Vice. Lawler taps out.

Winner [via Submission]: CM Punk (7:37)

  • A slow as molasses main event, but it was sort of cool to see Lawler in the ring and I loved Punk’s Kaufman references. We also got to see a little bit of blood! Yay! (C)

After a few more seconds, Punk finally lets go of the Anaconda Vice and leaves the cage. He grabs a mic, and looks under the ring. He pulls out a toolbox and spills its contents. Punk grabs a chain and padlock, locking the cage door. Punk traps him in another submission, and asks Lawler to say that Punk’s the “best in the world”. He holds the mic to Lawler, who responds “Hell no!”. Punk hits Lawler with a series of elbows and drops him. Punk gets on top of Lawler (HAWT) and asks Lawler to say he’s the “Best in the World”. He beats down Lawler some more. John Cena comes to ringside and tries to open the door. He yells at someone to get the cage up. Cena yells “ENOUGH!” to Punk as he hits a series of kneedrops right to Lawler’s head. Punk says he’s the best wrestler in the world, and rolls out of harm’s way once the cage comes up and Cena runs into the ring.

Cena and officials check on Lawler and Punk walks to the back, happy with the damage he’s done. We don’t fade to black, we instead cut to commercial awkwardly.

  • Now that more than made up for the match itself. Finally Punk is established as a full-on heel and all he had to do was beat up a commentator people not on the internet seem to really love. But why didn’t Cena, um, just climb the cage?

Overall Show Grade: C

  • Favorite Match: Sheamus/Randy Orton Vs. Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler
  • Least Favorite Match: Santino Marella/Heath Slater
  • Favorite Segments: Punk/Lawler post-match, Anger Management Pt. 3 (namely Kane reciting his backstory in a completely deadpan way)
  • Least Favorite Segments: The Triple H video packages, the Triple H promo itself, and the first two parts of the Anger Management vignettes.

Overall Show Thoughts:

Honestly, this Raw stands right between a C and C- (or at least as much as it can). I have been okay with the 3 hour Raws but this week it really dragged. Lots of filler, not enough storytelling or wrestling to make the show worth watching. None of the matches really mattered or were particularly entertaining, with Marella/Slater being the worst offender for many reasons. Segment-wise, the whole “we love Triple H” motif that began the show was suffocating and Triple H’s promo itself was pretty bad. This is definitely a Raw you can skip, especially since they’ll recap the entire thing during next week’s show anyway.

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  1. August 31st, 2012

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